Wednesday, August 24, 2011

on this day

Facebook just informed me that on this day in 2009, I posted:

moving to Alaska TOMORROW! better get packin'

Funny how 2 years can feel like a lifetime but I remember so well the wreck I was. It had been such a eventful, stressful and chaotic summer: wedding, graduation, moving home, funeral, studying for the bar, taking the bar, funeral, wedding. In a way I think I needed Alaska. (thought you'd never hear that, did ya?) I needed space to recover and digest it all.

I tell people that if it hadn't been for the recession, I would never have gone to Alaska. But there's more to it than that. Sure, the fall of 2008 was a pretty scary time to be looking for a job, but it goes back to the fall of 2005. I stood at a crossroads of sorts. I felt pretty strongly that I should go to law school but I was terrified of taking on so much debt. I worried about how I'd ever repay it and how the financial burden would shape my future. And then there was this moment, when I thought to myself, if you can do law school, you can repay the debt. It was then that I decided to put my financial future in God's hands. I felt that he wanted me to go to law school and if that required that I assume debt then surely he'd provide a way for me to repay it.

And so, in 2008 when the economy was in the toilet, I wasn't so much worried about finding a job. Okay, I was a little worried, but I knew that everything would work out, I just didn't know how. I also knew that if I was going to place my trust in God, I had to trust him all the way. That meant applying for jobs in Alaska when the director of career services advised me to do so. As I mailed my applications to Alaska, I was terrified that I'd get a job. I was terrified that I'd somehow get stuck in Alaska and never be able to leave.*

When I got a phone call weeks later offering me a clerkship in Fairbanks I freaked out a little - in fact I screamed as a hung up the phone. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry, but I knew that I would take the job. And I'm glad that I did.

*Oh, past self, there is so much I'd like to tell you - but most importantly, don't worry, you won't get stuck in Alaska. And don't let yourself fall in love with that one guy, you'll know him when you meet him.

No comments:

Post a Comment