tone

I just got into a surprisingly ugly debate with a complete stranger on Facebook.  It ended with name calling and while I'm not taking it personally, I am both saddened and amused by the way this man misconstrued what I thought were relevant, thoughtful and honest comments about a subject that I am intimately connected - single members of the LDS church, specifically single women.  

http://xkcd.com/386/

I don't know why I get caught up in these things - I know that I should just let it go, delete my comments and move on but something deep inside me just won't let it go.  

If there is anything I learned from this, it is that I need to watch my tone.  This man I've never met twisted everything I said, insulted me and called me bitchy.  While he's an argumentative idiot who doesn't know what he's talking about and I reserve the right to be bitchy when the situation calls for it, bitchy was not my intended tone of my comments.  I actually went to great lengths to keep my comments positive and hopeful while pointing out some issues I have observed.  I may have failed on that front and it made me think about this blog.  I try to be honest here, but I don't want it to be a place of bitterness.  I try to balance my frustration with hope.  And if I sometimes read a little bitchy, well, we can't all be sugar and spice all the time.

 

What does Jesus mean to you?

My bishop posed this question yesterday at sacrament meeting.  And then he called people from the congregation to briefly share their thoughts at the pulpit. I wondered what I would say - such a weighty question.  Where to begin?  How to encapsulate my feelings about my Savior in a few short minutes?  Thankfully, I wasn't called on and I get to keep working on my answer.

A few Easters ago, I wrote my thoughts on Christ in my journal.  It has been on my mind lately and I'm going to share it.  (As a hand written journal entry, it's kind of raw and unpolished - tempted to edit it but going to try not to change it too much.)     

8 April 2007:  Christ's atonement - infinite and eternal - makes holy the penitent sinner.  Jesus, in his perfect love and divinity, overcame mortality so that his imperfect brothers and sisters may through his perfection overcome this world.  

I have been blessed by the power of the atonement and experienced Christ's perfect love.  When my heart was broken and an aching darkness filled my chest - I pressed onward - striving to be obedient but unsure of where the strength to endure would come.   Unexpectedly, in the midst of my depression, the testimony of a friend ignited something inside of me.  The spirit filled me and I felt the dank darkness that had taken up residence in my soul being consumed by light and love.  Christ's love filled my soul, and by the power of the atonement my heart was healed - I found courage to go and do.  

My Savior and Redeemer suffered great agony of soul for me, that I may be delivered from the shackles of mortality - that I may be made whole and return to my beloved Father.  Through the atonement of Christ, I may with surety hope for a better world - even a place at the right hand of God.  This hope is an anchor to my soul that will enable me to endure the storms of mortality.  God be thanked for the matchless gift of his son, Jesus Christ, who is the author and finisher of my faith.  In meekness and humility, he overcame the world and redeemed the souls of his brothers and sisters.  And through him we may all become holy.

wants and dreams

I recently had a birthday, a big one.  No, not 30, 31.  Which is probably only really a big one for those of us who are Mormon and still single.  For this is the age at which we loose out classification as a "young single adults" and become just "single adults".  We are encouraged to leave our young friends and meet with an older crowd.  

The other day, a friend asked me how I was doing with this change and I could honestly say that I wasn't all that phased by it because I went through my crisis of lost youth a year ago.  It's ridiculously cliche, but turning 30 terrified me.  I felt like a failure, an embarrassment, undesirable and hopeless.  Yes, I was in a really dark place (and I'm not just talking about Alaska).  

And then one day as I was caught up in the depths of despair, I started thinking about the past decade of my life.  I got this little spiritual nudge, and I saw all of the things that I'd done: the places I'd visited, the things I'd learned, the degrees that I'd earned.  I suddenly became humbled by own accomplishments and grateful for the opportunities that I had been given.  In one decade, I had exceeded any expectation that I might have had for myself as a teenager.  When I looked at my life objectively, it didn't look like a pathetic, failed existence but a grand adventure.  And I finally saw that potential that had been wasting away inside of me. 

For the majority of my teens and twenties I had two goals for myself: get married and have a family.  I had lots of other dreams but I allowed my primary goals to eclipse these dreams because I thought that was what I was supposed to do.  And, I spent 12 years of my life failing miserably.  I didn't sit idly by.  I kept busy with school and a mission and working and more school.  And though I worked hard, my heart wasn't in it.  I knew what I wanted and I knew that I didn't have it.  And I had no idea how to go about getting what I wanted - still don't obviously.  And in spite of all this confusion and turmoil, I did some really awesome things and accomplished some incredibly grueling tasks.  

I think that the real mistake of my twenties, was limiting myself to one set of goals.  And because I couldn't get what I wanted, I sort of wandered around aimlessly hoping that I'd find what I needed along the way.  

For my thirties I am determined not to make the same mistake.  For my thirties, I'm setting lots of goals.  I'm going after my dreams.  When I had my epiphany last year, I made a list of 30 things to do in my thirties.  Sadly, I lost the list but I remember a lot of the things on it and have already accomplished a few of them (e.g. visit Machu Pichu, learn to spin, start a business, plant a garden, get a cat, learn to sail, see a whale, drive across the country and sing karaoke).  And amongst the silly and the ambitious are my primary goals of getting married and starting a family.  Maybe I'll accomplish all 30 and maybe I won't, but I'm going for it.  

hello, Spring!

It happens every year, the days get longer, the weather become unpredictable and everything starts blooming and leafing out.  Oh, how I do LOVE spring!  And spring in DC is to die for - it comes early and it goes all out.  We are smack dab in the thick of it here.  The cherry blossoms have already peaked, there are daffodils bobbing their heads all over the place and I'm anxiously awaiting the fabulous dogwoods.  Have I mentioned that daffodils are my absolute fave - well, they are and while I can't quite decide if I could every really love the white ones as much as the traditional yellow, they all make me sorta melt and cause my heart sing!

With the all this botanical action going on, I find myself putting aside my knitting and thinking about gardening.  I've never really had much luck with gardening, despite the unparalleled example of my talented mother.  But it's a skill that I would really like to work on so I'm going to try my hand at a small vegetable garden this year.  After last year's failures, I'm not too optimistic, but I'm aiming small - 9 square feet to be exact.  And maybe just maybe, I'll grow something edible this year. 

I just ordered this raised bed kit from the Gardner's Supply Company, and I'm oh so excited for it to get here so I can start planting. 

showing off

Indulge me with another round of Show and Tell.  Months ago, I posted some pictures of a dress that I was working on for my niece. here.

Well, that got frogged (taken apart/unraveled, for those of you unschooled in knitting lingo) because it was looking much too huge for a baby that wasn't even born yet and I feared the skirt was all wrong.  

But using that same yarn and adapting the pattern a bit, I came up with this:

A dress/tunic much more fitting for a tiny baby.  

And a tiny baby, she has turned out to be.

I finished it just in time for my visit and when I left, I wondered if she'd ever grow big enough to fit into what I had thought was a very tiny dress.  But, her mother has informed me that she has worn it and I'm awaiting pictures.  

Until then, I'll indulge you with some close ups.

Close-ups of the dress that is, I hope you weren't expecting more pictures of the baby.

I found this button in my Mom's sewing box and I love it so much.

I think that it probably came from my Grandma's button collection.

we've come a long way, baby

Did anyone notice what I did this morning?  

I was balling a skein of yarn while watching the morning session of conference and happened to look up during Sister Stevens' talk.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  When I realized what I was seeing, I was practically giddy.  Was anyone else pleasantly surprised to see a sister speaking in General Conference without a jacket?  It's silly, I know, but for years I have been ridiculously bothered by the trend/policy that women always wear jackets to speak in GC.  It's just so corporate and not all that feminine.  While some sisters pull it off quite well, some of them just don't.  I am happy to see this change.  It's not a big thing really, but look how gracious and elegant she looks.  Well done, Sister Stevens, you look lovely and gave an excellent talk to boot.  

I know what your thinking, of all the things to blog about.  To that I say, I can listen and untangle yarn very well, thank you.  And I learned a lot from the talks given today.  It was a most thought provoking and inspiring day of conference.  Maybe I'll elaborate a bit later when I've had a chance to process it all.   

payday!

I've been doing everything I can to stay positive these last few days and I couldn't help feeling that my glass might just be half full of poison*.  It's sort of felt like everything in my life was falling apart piece by piece and all my plans were collateral damage.  On top of that, I wasn't playing well with others - I've been cranky and generally unpleasant.

Well, today was payday and I can't tell you what a relief it was to see that money deposited into my account this morning - just in time to pay my rent.  Here's hoping I've turned a corner and Murphy's law doesn't follow me into April.  

* giving credit where credit's due, this is from a line in Scoop (btw - an excellent movie).  Ashley challenged me to name the movie and I have to admit, I googled it.  Ashley - 10 / Maggie - 0.